A personal account of reconciling belief with reality — and changing how you see the world.



From computers to banking to corporate boardrooms — a search for meaning behind the systems.
This is not the usual tale of ambition fulfilled. It is the story of a man who mastered the systems of modern life — technology, finance, corporate power — only to discover their hollowness.
Trained as a computer scientist, he became a banker at the height of Malaysia's Islamization wave, then a corporate leader building telecommunications networks and navigating politics, crises, and global markets. Along the way, he saw how the prevailing economic and financial system lies at the root of many societal ills — and how Islamic banking, sanctified from pulpits, barely scratches the surface of the problem. He also learned that "success" often demanded compromise. He played the game, then chose to walk away.
What followed was a deeper journey — through philosophy, Sufism, and the thoughts of Syed Muhammad Naquib al-Attas — to reconcile faith with reason, ideals with limits, and justice with the messy realities of the modern world.
This book is not about institutions but about the individual: how to live honestly in a compromised system, how to recognize what belongs where, and how to seek meaning when the world no longer makes sense.
At its core, this book grapples with the concept of riba — not merely as a banking technicality, but as a window into how systems of exchange shape human relations, values, and ultimately, civilizations.
It examines the logic that underpins modern economics, the worldview that normalizes exploitation, and the intellectual frameworks needed to imagine alternatives.
Drawing on decades navigating IT, telecommunications, and Islamic finance, the author reveals how contemporary "Islamic" institutions often replicate the very structures they claim to oppose.
But this is not a book of answers. It is a book of questions — questions about authenticity, compromise, and what it means to pursue truth in a world built on illusions.
Through the author's journey from Kelantan to Manchester, from boardrooms to philosophical inquiry, readers encounter not prescriptions but reflections: on knowing one's place, on the limits of reform, and on the courage required to walk away from what others call success.
It is a meditation on putting everything — ideas, institutions, and the self — in its proper place.
Born and raised in Kota Bharu, Kelantan, Kamarudin Abu Bakar began his academic journey at the University of Manchester, earning a degree in Computer Science and Accounting. He went on to pursue an MBA through the Ohio University–UiTM program and later attended the Advanced Management Program at the Wharton School.
Over several decades, his career has crossed the worlds of IT, telecommunications, and banking, where he led major initiatives in technology, finance, and corporate transformation.
Beyond his professional life, Kamarudin has engaged deeply with questions of epistemology, worldview, and the intersection of Islamic thought with contemporary systems of power and exchange.
This book represents not a conclusion, but a pause — a moment of reflection before the next phase of inquiry.

